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Sunday, July 31, 2005

People Who Suck Hall of Fame; and still more weird shit:

Since I'm going to stick with people who suck, I find it best to leave out the obvious selections, i.e., the greatest villains of all time. I'll stick with celebrities and other notables. In no particular order, they are as follows:

1. Woody Allen: Sun-Yi was the adopted daughter of his longtime girlfriend, Mia Farrow, and he served as a father figure to her for many years. As such, I find the relationship to be morally equivalent to incest. Also, there are only so many times you can make a film about being a neurotic New Yorker in New York before it becomes deeply annoying.

2. Roman Polanski: Accused and convicted of the statutory rape of a 13-year-old girl, rather than accept responsibility for his actions or stand and fight the charges like a man, he ran to his native France where he's been living in exile since the 1970s.

3. Victor Salva: The director of "Powder" and the "Jeepers Creepers" movies, he confessed to 5 counts of sexual relations with a boy whom he videotaped in sexual situations in the late 1980s.

4. Tom Cruise: He's actually a better person than those listed above, though that's not saying much at all. He has famously (and to his career's great detriment) extolled the virtues of his beloved Church of Scientology as an alternative to peer-reviewed medical and psychiatric treatment, in spite of there being no peer-reviewed evidence to support his claim. I would say more, but I fear lawyers. And Tom, please, PLEASE, try not to ruin Oprah's sofa the next time you feel the need to express your love of Katie Holmes.

5. L. Ron Hubbard: For this person, I cite the First Amendment protection of free speech as outlined in the Constitution of the United States of America. As long as I say nothing libellous, threatening, or patently false, and stick with my own opinions and identify them as such, two centuries of legal precedents are on my side. Though my question is how does one threaten a person who's been dead since the January of 1986... Anyway, in my opinion, he was a third-rate and barely-coherent science fiction writer who then formed a church in 1954, a church that has oft been criticized for a variety of reasons. Also, he's responsible, at least in part, for what is widely regarded as one of the worst films of all time, "Battlefield: Earth," a film so awful that it makes Troma Studios look good.

Now onto the weird shit.

Astrologers everywhere are now pissed off: A tenth planet, at a time when Pluto's status is being questioned, has now been discovered at a distance of 9 billion miles (approx. 14.37 billion kilometres) from the sun. I'm hoping they name it Eros, Kama, or Bob, though the proposed name has not been announced to the public.

Seriously good news for quadruplegics: With the invention of a new electronic device, a quadruplegic man became the first such person to be able to do so assisted. This may help reduce the risk of serious respiratory illnesses and death among quadruplegics.

Lance wins in France, gets screwed by British court: Even after testing clean in hundreds of drug tests over the years, The Sun, a British paper, has been allowed by a British court to not face legal liability for their defamatory stories about Lance Armstrong.

When on a busy highway, don't leave the car while it's running: Robbin Doolin, 31, leaned out of her car door to spit. The car split and careened towards a construction site. She suffered injuries to her leg, arm, and head, though I'd think she'd have had more than enough air in her head to protect her...

Moose takes liking to miniature golf course: The summary says it all.

Decades after Cultural Revolution, Beijing has toilet revolution: As part of its preparations for the 2008 Olympic Games, the city announced plans to renovate 1,263 public lavatories in central districts by the end of 2005.

One of the worst OB/GYN's ever: Dr. Akiva Abraham has been accused of having sex with a troubled 25 y.o. female patient in various places, including his office and a waiting room for doctors on call in an Albany, NY, area hospital. Also, he was accused of delivering the child of a 30 y.o. woman early so that it would not interfere with his vacation. I think he just got promoted to my People Who Suck HoF.

South Korean punk-pop band members perform au naturale: On national television, two members of the Korean punk-pop group RUX, while in heavy makeup, stripped and performed naked for several seconds until cameras shifted away. "Oh yes they called him the streak, liked to show off his physique..."

Damn, I wish I were in Vienna: Visitors to the prestigous Leopold Museum were offered free entry into the new "The Naked Truth" exhibit, a new exhibit of early 1900s erotic art, as long as they arrived scantily clad or naked. Many people took them up on their offer. Why oh why did I have to be in Alabama instead of Austria?

That's all for now.


Sheryl said...

That's cool about the 10th planet. :-)

Evilicious Blonde said...

OMG. This post totally rules.

I love it when you bitchslap people.

Woo hoo!!!!

Brandon said...

My father, enlightenment would love your comment about astrology. His take on the situation goes something like this: One of the loopier arguments that astrology fanatics use to support astrology, is the idea that the gravitational forces of the planets have some kind of magical effect on our lives. Sometimes its transformed into the magical effects of "magnetic energy" or "electro-magnetic energy etc..." What about the gravitational pull, or the electro magnetic influences of the physician who delivered us? It's meant tongue in cheek, and that's probably why I enjoy it so much.