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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Reflections on the past

I stumbled across an old journal I kept when I was a teenager, back when I was actually doing that for a year or so. This was also one of several years when I fell into the stereotype of the poetry-writing angst-ridden teenager, further exacerbated by the cultural climate of the early 1990s. The entry just happened to be sometime in the summer of 1993. I didn't really pay attention to an exact date. I just read as much as I could stand, and honestly, it wasn't much. I noticed some consistent themes, specifically self-loathing, an excessively immaturely pompous writing style, and a tendency towards excessive verbosity.

Given the fact that Christian Slater was my hero (namely, his roles in "Pump Up the Volume" and "Heathers"), the fact that I listened to Nine Inch Nails, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and others as they expressed (and possibly fed) my inner anguish, as well as other issues in play at the time, the first wasn't exactly unexpected. I won't go into detail, but I will say that, as I've learned from some of the people I'm close to, some heartbreaks hurt just as much when you've reached middle age as they do when you're in your teens. I would like to think, however, that I would handle it a lot better now than I did back then, were it to recur. I'm certainly at a much happier point in my life now than I was then, though I now have some anxiety problems that did not exist back then, or perhaps were being masked by the other aspects of my inner turmoil. All in all, I say it's a more than fair trade.

On the second count, the most that I can say is that, while I do have tendencies to lean towards pomposity when provoked, at least I'm a lot more mature about it, and again, that aspect of self-loathing isn't there to make those displays virtually unreadable.

On the third count, however, as the host of Various Miseries, and to a far lesser extent, the hosts of Petty Rage, will attest, there's been no real change on that front. But at least my writing style has improved significantly, although I still have a bad case of diarrhea of the keyboard. I guess it's easier for me to say less at Perverted Republican's website since she doesn't spend all that much time talking about policy issues and party politics, focusing more on the first word in her name than the second. But one thing I will say is that at least she's interesting, even if her site isn't exactly appropriate for someone under the age of 18.

Perhaps this post is little more than self-indulgent whimsy, but that's pretty much the nature of most of blogspace, at least, what I've seen of it in my short time as a blogger.

6 comments:

Christopher Trottier said...

I hate teenage angst poetry. That is the singular reason why no one enjoys poetry anymore.

Mandelbrot's Chaos said...

I still enjoy poetry, and somehow managed to write some back then that wasn't severely polluted with angst and was not awful. I dare anyone to read T.S. Eliot or William Butler Yeats and say that they have emerged from the experience unchanged. However, I haven't really written in almost a decade, and I'm very happy about the fact. I wrote mostly as a release valve during a very bad point in my life, and as such, I associate writing with emotional pain.

That being said, I can understand why teen angst poetry would make someone want to avoid poetry altogether. Plays, short stories, poems, and *shudders* truly, deeply awful songs. Suffice it to say that I'm a far better consumer of music than I am a creator of it. The only reason I've kept them is because the writing isn't nearly as painfully bad as that journal, though I haven't looked in years.

thecoolestblog said...

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Evilicious Blonde said...

*grinning*

Loved this post.

We grew up at the same time (I think I'm a little older than you tho) and listened to the same music... I still listen to NIN constantly....

Christian Slater was my idol and I loved both of the movies you mentioned. I STILL listen to my Pump up the Volume soundtrack...and I just watched Heathers for the thousandth time about a week ago!

Thanks for the shout out. I am proud that you and I shared the first "They-don't-drink-the-Kool-aid" mention on Petty Rage. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I love those guys.

I do tend to avoid talking politics on my site. I purposely focus on the "Perverted" part of my site name. I am determined to obliterate the stereotype that Republicans are stuffy prudes.

Think it's working?

;)

Mandelbrot's Chaos said...

Nah, blondage, I think you're still a bit staid and show some Victorian attitudes towards personal relationships. Of course, if I can find the particular Victoria (or Susan, Jane, Sarah, etc.) whose attitudes mirror yours, I will become a very happy and much thinner man. lol Just 50 more pounds...

Evilicious Blonde said...

"...a bit staid and show some Victorian attitudes towards personal relationships..."??????

Well, I can honestly say you are the first and only man who has ever said THAT to me!!!!

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, if you don't think it's working, I guess I'll just have to go pervier (is that a word? LOL). Hmmmmm.....

*plotting*

Need to come up with something shocking....

Hmmmmm.....