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Friday, August 05, 2005

Upon much consideration of a post topic for tonight...

And realizing that I had a choice between something intelligent and probably related to science, or a smattering of weird shit culled from the Odd News section of Yahoo, I went with the obvious choice. So, I bring to you this lovely, though sweltering, evening, a varied selection of weird shit.

Fucking amateurs: Thieves go to the trouble of robbing the Munch Museum, and instead of grabbing genuine artwork by Munch, they get worthless copies. I'm no expert, but wouldn't the lack of brush-strokes be a clue?

Australia: Like America, only with dumber bureaucrats: Apparently, when one of their top architects, a Holocaust survivor who had immigrated from Austria, had had his Australian citizenship revoked without notification 19 years ago when Austria, without his authorization, reinstated his Austrian citizenship. This brings to mind several questions to their beleaguered Citizenship Ministry, first and foremost that of why it took them NINETEEN YEARS to notice that one of their top citizens was, in the eyes of their law, no longer a citizen and subject to deportation, and why, in all that time, they couldn't be bothered to pick up a phone and inform him. His Australian citizenship has been reinstated, as was right, but this raises serious legal and security questions for the Australian government.

Truck driver is naughty, files charges against strippers: A 31 year old truck driver, at a birthday party held in his honor at a strip club, was handcuffed and spanked on stage, with his head being restrained by a stripper's legs. He has filed 3rd degree assault charges. So if I'm understanding this correctly, he's being spanked by a scantily-clad and possibly partly skyclad woman, while having his head restrained somewhere near the crotch of another, and he's pressed felony charges against them? I'm sure many people, in his same situation, would've considered the 5 days he had trouble sitting down a reminder of one HELL of a party.

Can you have a "white wedding" in a graveyard? A young couple in love is looking for a peaceful place to have their wedding. As such, they have petitioned their local City Works board for a permit to have their wedding at a cemetary. I guess there'll be no one in the back rows to say, "I object," that is, unless Hell becomes full and it all turns into a giant George Romero movie...

Apparently, "Live Nude Nude Nudes" wasn't a nasty enough name: Howard White has long owned a strip club near LAX with a sign saying "Live Nude Nude Nudes," but apparently felt the need for a change. So, being the classy individual he is, what did he rename it? "Vaginas 'R Us". In a case that can only happen in California, the City of Los Angeles is powerless to change the name directly, but called in the big guns: A kids' toy store. Which toy store? Toys 'R Us. Why not bring a giraffe into a story that already includes naked women and a pervy man?

Skip the ski mask, remember the clothes: A 50-something year old man entered a restaurant wearing only a ski mask. He's now in a hospital for an undisclosed illness. Talk about things that make you go UCCCCCCCHH!

To qualify for the "Mile High Club", both partners must be awake and consenting, you perv: A 55-year-old businessman has been sentenced to 7 years for sexually assaulting a 22-year-old woman who was asleep on the flight, returning from a vacation. This guy also gets serious mention as a dumb-fuck because there just so happened to be FOUR Secret Service agents on board, and he tried to escape.

And finally, This cop's career is so OVER: A policeman and his friend have been charged with indecent exposure after posing nude in a hotel window. The policeman was actually flexing his muscles and posing to get the attention of onlookers. If he wanted to engage in that stupidity, there are plenty of naturalist beaches and resorts. Dumbass.

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