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Saturday, May 20, 2006

Now, for something completely pointless: New 7-Up(tm)

I bought a bottle of 7-Up(tm) just to see if the flavor had improved in the years since I last tried it. I saw on the label that it is now 100% natural. So, to test their claim, I read the label. The contents are as follows: Filtered carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, natural citric acid, natural flavors, natural potassium citrate. Aaah, I remember the halcyon days of my youth, when I frolicked (Okay, I've never actually frolicked at any point in my life, but work with me here) along the shores of a brook of filtered carbonated water. As I bent my knee to grab a pebble to toss, I remember how the carbonation tickled my nose, and in the winter, how the ice was full of tiny frozen bubbles of carbon dioxide. And as I passed farms in my travels, I remember seeing farmers tap ears of corn to harvest the high-fructose corn syrup. And as a kid in the grocery store, I remember seeing natural citric acid in the produce section, though it was most plentiful in the sources of the natural flavors implied by this product, lemons and limes. I even remember seeing people grab natural potassium citrate by the side of the road, or was that road apples? Despite my searches, I have yet to find a natural source of this chemical, though I'm sure there must be, because, after all, why would a major corporation mislead the public. Or maybe they're not misleading us after all. After all, if this is made by people, and people are part of nature, isn't everything we as a species do "natural"?

But enough of that. How did the new 7-Up(tm) taste? It was fairly alright, but the formula will need to be tweaked quite a bit to replace Sprite(tm) or Sierra Mist (tm) in my refrigerator. Nice try, but not even close.

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