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Monday, July 06, 2009


Since it has now been three days since the political death of a star of the Republican Party, I find it fitting to now have a funeral. With every funeral comes one or more eulogies, of varying quality. In that vein, I will share my eulogy to Sarah Palin's career. Enjoy.

I knew Sarah Palin's career very well. Well, not at first, since she represented a tiny 3 EV state that is even more solid red than my beloved (PLEASE don't say "sweet home") Alabama. At first, I viewed her as an entertaining spectacle, and her career filled me with a great deal of amusement, none so great as when she pardoned a turkey (censored version) during last year's Thanksgiving. Then, gradually, I realized she had a serious chance to become the President of the United States, just one heartbeat behind a 72-year-old former POW, and while I remained amused by her, I that was tinged with a not insignificant amount of worry. As I saw the returns election night, that worry left, leaving a deep sense of satisfaction, relief, and joy. Still, I watched, waiting for her to inevitably put her foot in it again, and she never failed to give me a laugh and make thinking Republicans cringe. Finally, there came her bizarre feud and immaturity regarding a not very funny joke told by David Letterman, and despite Governor Sarah Palin giving an 18 minute press conference and three days to digest its contents, no one can quite figure out what the hell she was thinking, or even if she was thinking at all. Still, I'm going to miss watching her career, which is by now certainly an ex-parrot. Fare thee well, Caribou Barbie.

I will close by slightly modifying some of the lyrics to the song "Eulogy" by Tool.

"Standing above the crowd,
She had a voice that was strong and loud.
We'll miss her.
We'll miss her.

"Ranting and pointing her finger
At everything but her heart.
We'll miss her.
We'll miss her.
We're gonna miss her.
We're gonna miss her.

"No way to recall
What it was that you had said to me,
Like I care at all.

"But you were so loud.
You sure could yell.
You took a stand on every little thing
And so loud.

"She had alot to say.
She had alot of nothing to say.
She had alot to say.
She had alot of nothing to say.

"Come down.
get off your fuckin cross.
We need the fuckin space to nail the next fool martyr."


JollyRoger said...

If she has killed her career, and EVEN if she's in some kind of legal trouble, you can bet that she'll appear soon enough on FOX "News."

Snave said...

Brilliant! That last Tool verse sums it up neatly and completely.

I know what you meant in your comment over at my place about the thought of her being a heartbeat away gives you the shakes. ME TOO. Eeeeek.

Fare thee well, Caribou Barbie. And take Caribou Bubba with you.

As is often the case, I believe Jolly Roger is right: you, he and others have convinced me after I wrote my post heralding the advent of her 2012 presidential campaign that she is instead resigning to try and do some damage control. And if she is going to be under some kind of indictment, that will only make her a hero to the really hardcore knuckledraggers out there... who, thankfully are a real minority.

Mandelbrot's Chaos said...

Snave, it's hard to go wrong with Tool. Maynard is a rock god. Frankly, Palin disgusts and frightens me. To think, McCain and Palin, his future ex-wife or widow, actually thought women voters were dumb enough to vote for a ticket because one of the people on it lacked a Y-chromosome. Didn't exactly work for Mondale, and Palin isn't even worthy to lick Geraldine Ferraro's shoes. Also, in the Mondale case, Ferraro didn't damage Mondale. Mondale damaged Mondale, and Reagan didn't have much trouble capitalizing on it.