Do you, my few fans, love my polemics with as much hellfire and brimstone as a revival preacher but without the annoying preaching? Do you love it when I tear into someone? Then you'll be sorely disappointed. I'm feeling a bit snarkier today. :P Just kidding. Let the games begin!
Two weeks ago, I had no clue who Cynthia McKinney was. Now, over the last few days, I've learned from her own words and actions that she's a racist bitch who refuses to take responsibility for her actions. I watched her interview on CNN, and frankly, I pity the people she so inadequately represents. The Capitol Police's version is thus: She wasn't wearing her pin designating her as a member of Congress, she went around the metal detector, she refused three times to identify herself, then hit the officer in the chest with her cell phone. Her version is that she was being picked on because she was black. Bullshit. Complete, utter, and irrefutable bullshit. I've worked in jobs where I had to show some form of identification to get in the building unchallenged, and they were a damned site less important and in less important locations than an office building for the United States House of Representatives. Had she turned around any of those times and said to the officer something to the effect of (but more professional than) "Sorry, man, here's my badge," the situation is over. What she did after that would've been on her, but she wouldn't be under investigation for assaulting an officer. However, she chose to strike the man in the chest with a foreign object. Congresswoman McKinney, just remember, you can't spell "assault" without the word "ass", and you were being one. Personally, I hope that, whatever the outcome, all Congresspersons and all Senators, hell, all elected officials be required to go through those metal detectors and be screened just like the rest of us schlubs, and I hope that regulation is named the Cynthia McKinney rule in appreciation. Even should your career survive this ZsaZsa Gabor moment, I bet that would make you tremendously popular in the cafeteria. I bet all the cool Congresspersons will want to hang out with you and ask your opinion on important manners after you cost them even more and persistent headaches. Oh, and Congresswoman McKinney, one last thing: I love your new hair. It makes you look like a new woman.
Next, I would like to tear into Roy Moore... Just kidding. CBS has selected a new anchor for their nightly news show. They could've gone with Soledad O'Brien or any of literally hundreds of qualified people to take the reins of one of the most prestigious jobs in journalism to repair the damage left in Dan Rather's wake. So who did they choose? Someone who gets a flexible camera jammed up her ass every year on national television. Of course, I'm talking about none other than one of my least-favorite on-air personalities, Katie Couric. She has about as much cred as a real journalist as Vanilla Ice had as a rapper, and she's twice as annoying as Carrot Top. Talk about See B.S. But that's okay. I'm sure their dozen or so remaining loyal viewers will be happy to see that aging harpy drone on about the news, and the issues that matter to her, like herself, or Katie Couric, or Couric, Katie, or proper colon health. This just begs the question: Is Les Moonves trying to kill the news arm of CBS? If so, he did a bang-up job by signing that crone.
I'm not watching Fox News, as I find my blood pressure benefits from eliminating nighttime exposure to that network from the programming, so I have no clue what Bill O'Reilly has to say about either of these issues, and frankly, I don't care. I don't like Bill O'Reilly. While he is undoubtably intelligent, he masks this extraordinarily well by bullying guests with whom he disagrees and generally making an ass out of himself. Furthermore, he harps on about mistakes and indiscretions others have committed while refusing to discuss his own, though on the last point, I admit to being more than a bit relieved. After all, who really wants to hear the tapes of him poorly attempting to have phone sex with one of his female producers, a mistake for which he paid very dearly if the rumors are true? I'm glad she sued him for what was a very clear case of sexual harrassment, and I'm even gladder I didn't hear those tapes. His voice trying to be sexy... Can I safely assume that the rest of you are as disgusted by that mental imagery as I am? Ugh. But the issue is closed since it's about him; just ask him. Fucking useless hypocrite.
And on that note, I bid you all a good evening.