I honestly don't know which one of these genetic mistakes is dumber: Roy Moore or Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen made a strong case for the crown with his recent announcement that he has his own 9/11 conspiracy theory. And just when people were starting to forget that he was a stupid motherfucker with a once-promising but now slowly dying career... Oh well, he made his choices, though with Martin Sheen as a father, that explains a small part of his idiocy, and I'm sure the booze and drugs didn't help.
Before I verbally rip Mr. Moore a new asshole, let's dissect Sheen's... "theory" seems such a grotesque misuse of that word for this extreme level of idiocy and implies thought, which Charlie Sheen has not actually proven capable of. If I'm understanding him correctly, he believes that hundreds of thousands of eyewitnesses and billions of viewers all around the world were somehow conned by some Hollywood special-effects into thinking that what was really a number of controlled demolitions was really some fucking huge airplanes with a shitload of jet fuel that slammed into the main towers of the World Trade Centers, the Pentagon, and the Pennsylvania countryside. Yeah, I don't buy what Mr. Sheen is trying to sell either. First, Osama bin Laden tried to take out the WTC back in the early 1990s but only managed to take out some parking spaces and a very small number of victims. Second, this was a fanatically-determined enemy who had spent a large sum of money to execute their mission. Third, that many eyewitnesses on the ground are very nearly impossible to fool. Fourth, the WTC was one of the most financially-important complexes in one of the most financially-important cities in the world, and there's no way any person in power, Republican or Democrat, would want to see that much of their investments take the kind of hit that their demolition caused, a fact which would've been obvious to any halfway decent planner and which, in fact, was obvious to the masterminds of this attack. Fifth (and I think I need one after this), why would Republicans, of all people, want to harm the ability of the Department of Defense to function to that degree? Sixth, how exactly could the Pentagon have stopped a 747 that was aiming for them with the stuff they had available at the time? Years ago, I read in Executive Orders by Tom Clancy an analogy that applies in this case, and it was something along the order of trying to stop an out-of-control 18-wheeler by shooting out a tire. I have little doubt that their defensive capabilities and tactical awareness have dramatically improved in this area in the almost 5 years since then, but then wasn't now. And finally, what the fuck was Charlie Sheen smoking, snorting, drinking, and/or shooting up when he came up with this belief?
Aaaaah, I feel better, further reinforcing my belief that blogging is, in many cases, just a form of cheap psychotherapy with an audience. Now on with the show. Roy Moore enters the fray with yet another example of his mind-blowing idiocy. This time, he questions the timing of the announcement that some cows tested positive for Mad Cow disease. Apparently, he thinks, and I use the term extremely loosely, that it's all part of a conspiracy to drive small farmers out of business. I believe I speak for everyone else when I say What. The. Fuck!!! Yes, he's absolutely right, because a bunch of people whose job it is to keep the American food supply safe have nothing better to do than to fake a few test results to hurt the little guy. Nevermind that this would mainly be for cattle and other livestock that are frequently sold from one owner to the next. Nevermind that all it would take is some servers and some decent IT professionals to create and maintain this database that would be created for the purpose of finding the ancestors and herds of origin of infected cattle, thereby possibly pinpointing other infected animals. As far as preventative measures, this would be a hell of a lot cheaper than mandatory testing of every head of cattle, and would be more practical. Furthermore, this is consistent with his ultraconservative Biblical-literalist "end times" pseudo-Christianity. Was his thought process "labelling beasts, sounds a lot like mark of the beast, sounds like a sign of the End Times and the Rapture, but I need to market it as something else, so why not market it as caring for a group of people I don't give a shit about, such as everybody, but how to narrow it down? Oh, farmers!"
For the sake of fairness, I should admit that I support Governor Riley's bid for reelection, but that's only because he's shown that he knows what the fuck he's doing. He turned over a decade of deficits into a massive surplus by increasing the efficiency of the state government and bringing industry to Alabama, and now he's talking about raising the standard income tax deduction to something that's actually above the poverty line, instead of being somewhere around $5,000 for a single person as it is now. Since it makes sense, naturally, this is something Roy Moore opposes, hence my dictum that if Roy Moore has a position on something, the opposite is usually the right thing to do. I also like Lucy Baxley, the frontrunner in the fundraising for the Democratic Party nomination for governor, and would have no problem voting for her should Governor Riley lose in the Republican primary. Roy Moore has cost the state of Alabama too much money already, and would likely only do far worse should he become governor.
Dishonorable mention goes to Isaac Hayes, but that's another topic for another time.